So much in a name

After the death of my son, Nathan, I have come to realize that there are so many important facets to a name! Something that we end up taking for granted becomes one of the most precious things that there is left.

The name of a child is really the first big decision parents once they realize they are expecting. We wonder is it a boy or girl, do we use a family name, Biblical name or something that inspires us?. Then the question comes, how the name will sound as an adult and  if there are any embarrassing nick names that could be on the playground? So to make a final choice from the short list of favorites, we shout it out loud so that we know which one sounds the best when using it in urgency. So much pressure in finding the right name; it is after all a lifelong title.

Little did I realize when I named my son, that Nathan was a profit of God as written in 2 Samuel 12. He was a trusted adviser to King David, who's name meant "a gift from God." The life of the profit Nathan teaches us not to be afraid to tell the truth to those we care about just as he told David of God's anger against him for the sin of taking another man's wife. Nathan was also compassionate and shared God's forgiveness when David realized his wrong. There is so much I can continue to learn about life by just understanding the depth behind the profit Nathan and my son Nathan.

Nathan's name followed him throughout his life-cycle. It is written on hi birth certificate. It said it proudly as an introduction. I like being called "Nathan's mom" by his friends. And, now I have seen it written on his death certificate and am completely confident that it is written in the book of life and was by our heavenly Father on his last day.

Since I was forced to experience the death of my oldest child out of the natural order, I have desperately missed hearing his name and having a purpose to say it without the attachment of loss and sadness. Since I will forever wear the marks of giving birth to Nathan in a 3 inch C-section scar and a few faded stretch marks, it seemed natural that I will forever wear the final reminder of his precious life on my upper arm.

Each element of this art holds heartfelt significance.  I chose all lower case letters as a reminder of humility and simplicity.  The soft script represents the tender curves of Nathans heart. The cross in his name is the burden that he carried in his short life and his hearts desire to give his pain to God. The birds represent the release from the torture he lived with most of his young adult life. The one blue bird is Nathan; colorful,  happy and free.  

Each day I am reminded  that he lived and he is now resting in the loving arms of his heavenly father free from the physical pain that tortured him in life. There will never be a moment where I will take for granted the life that is left to live, and that heaven is truly one name away. Nathan.

I love you so much, my precious son.