Blessed are those who mourn...

http://bible.us/111/MAT5.4.NIV Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Bible.com/app

The days leading up to Mother's Day were filled with unknown expectations of how I would feel and a lot of anxiety. God has been so gentle in this journey, and He continued to gently prepare me for what was going to be an emotionally challenging day by comforting me through people.

Saturday before Mother's Day, I was surrounded by friends, family and celebration as 16,000 Christians filled the seats and lawn of the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion for KSBJ's 30th Anniversary Concert. It was such an amazing day and full of tasks, details, excitement and much wanted distraction. 

In the midst of the chaos, there was a divine moment carved out just for me as I was able to pause and share Nathans story with Jon Foreman, lead singer of Switchfoot. He listened with the most compassionate heart and cried tears with me as I boldly proclaimed that Nathans victory story will be shared through his family and that his death by suicide would not define him or us. I felt wrapped in a blanket of God's comfort. As Jon shed tears for my grief, he reminded me that God is grieving too. At one point during the Switchfoot set, Jon tearfully shared with the audience that he had been moved by impactful conversations that day, and as he spoke into the microphone to thousands, I knew he was talking to me. The heart of this artist, is just like the heart of Christ and I FELT SO COMFORTED!

Sunday morning, I wake up mentally and physically exhausted from the Anniversary Concert the night before. Again, God gently guides me a bit deeper into the reality that my son will not be joining me on this special day. As I walk into the kitchen, Nathan was so top of mind. I see pretty cards and a pink rose, so I take them back to the bedroom to read and relax. The first card was from my husband, Jerry.....the second card was signed "Love, Nate." Taking me back a bit, I immediately broke into tears as I realized that Jerry had written a card and 9 message points that were so personal and so NATHAN! He blessed me with precious memories and thoughts that I know Nathan would  have wanted to say if he were  here to say them, all the way down to him loving my chocolate gravy. My husband had been listening to my and Nathan's stories and lived life with us for 13 years. He knew me well enough to write what would comfort me and Nathan well enough to deliver on his behalf. My husband is an amazing man! I don't think I could have loved him any more than at that one moment. I decided at that point, that the tears were just going to be OK that day. I FELT SO COMFORTED!

After a few hours of rest and time with God, my two beautiful girls brought me beautiful messages, hand crafted gifts and the gift of  physical touch with Kayla's magical massage and Jordan's perfect pedicure! They hugged me and loved on me so unselfishly all day. It was just perfect just being in their presence. I missed Nathan, but I absolutely soaked in my time with them and received all of their love with heart wide open. It was like drinking from a running river of love, so healing.  I FELT SO COMFORTED! 

Later that day, as I looked around the dinner table and my entire family was surrounding me with laughter, love and compassion, I was so grateful for them. We have been through so much in the last year, and I know that my family has been healed through this horrific tragedy. Through Nathans death, I have been reminded of the importance of relationships and how precious our time with those we love really is. Even with the bold reality that I have lost a son, it could not have been a more perfect day. God prepared me each step of the way, and I FELT SO COMFORTED!

Daily, I praise you, Father, in the midst of this storm. I am so grateful for the gentleness of each step into my next phase of grief. I walk with confidence knowing that you are guiding each step in the journey to peace, and that you have orchestrated each moment so that I can stay afloat. Thank you for promise of comfort, and for the beautiful people you have put in my life to physically show me your love. In Jesus precious and holy name, Amen.