Pain changes you, like a gale force wind - @RickWarren

Rick Warren (@RickWarren) tweeted at 1:49 PM on Sun, May 12, 2013: Pain changes you. Like a gale force wind, it drives you backward or forward, depending on how you set your sail. 

This could not be more true. And honestly, I have never felt more alive than I do right now after experiencing the death of my son, Nathan. I'm not sure what stage of grief that is, but I FEEL things so much more than I did a month ago. I used to think that I understood the notion that God uses our experiences to help us grow and change, to get out of our comfort zone. Now, I really know what that means, and I am determined to set my sail in God's direction.

On May 12, I wanted to dedicate time to praying for the staff at KSBJ. I know that the 12th of each month will feel significant for a while, just like every Friday between 5:30-7pm (the time of Nathan's death and my first recollection of it.) I didn't realize that the 12th of the month was also Mother's Day, so it seemed even more significant. As I was praying, I could feel the Holy Spirit speaking points to pray over each person and their family. I spent a good 2 hours in constant prayer and intercession, and the internal emotion was so calm and the messages so clear. At some point, I want to write notes to them. Right after I finish all of my thank you notes for the precious people who showed their support at Nathan's funeral. For some reason, those have been the hardest things to write! I have all of the addresses and enough stamps to mail them twice, but the messages are so hard to put down because I feel every word and it puts me back to that first few days. I'm going to just have some grace and do what I can when I can. I hope they understand.

Mercy Me was one of the artists playing at the KSBJ 30th Anniversary Concert. I just love their music, but didn't FEEL their lyrics like I do now. Every song touched my soul. Specifically Hurt and the Healer. I'm going to share the words, so each of you reading can be blessed like I am. Here's the link to the YouTube video too. I highly recommend that you soak it in. And, while you do, please say a prayer for me and my family. Thanks, Friends.Mercy Me - Hurt and the Healer

"The Hurt & The Healer"

Why?
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn't come from being explained
Jesus please don't let this go in vain
You're all I have
All that remains

So here I am
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe
Sometimes I feel it's all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through

So here I am
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

It's the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes it's rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say "It's over now"

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take this heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When The hurt and the healer collide

[x2:]
Jesus come and break my fear
Wake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear
Wake my heart and take my tears
And find Your glory even here